Rain

When it first starts to rain in Tanzania, it really rains!! This picture is taken outside my house in Usangi...

lions

Befor going to The Ngorongoro crater in Tanzania, I was told that it happened that lions laied under the cars in the search of shadow. I didn't acctully believe what i was being told, but it turned out to be true...

Ofcourse it was very cool to see the lions up so close, they were 1 meter from our car!!! But they are suposed to be free and wild animals. Okey, they are free to go wherever they want to, but they are sure as not wild anymore! And I don't like it at all...These animals are so tame that they SLEEP under CARS, ther's just something wrong with that!

I'm back again.

I'm back in Norway.
First impression is that everything is so grey and everything looks so sad, it's unpersonal and steril. And it's so quiet!!! It's a lot of people around me, but I don't think that I've experienced such a silence in 5 months..

I want to go back. Right now. I just shouldn't have left. People doesn't talk together, people sit down next to eachother without saying a word, without even smiling to eachother. I tried to smile to someone, all I got in return was a strange look from that person and he left. People are so cold. I already miss the friendliness of the tanzanians, the joy og life they show, the way they great everyone nomatter if they know them or not. They made me feel home there, they were so welcoming towards me. Here people look so angry, they dont smile, everyone is bussy with their own stuff, it doesn't seem like people care about eachother. It sounds like one of those africa klisjes, but it's true, it's so true!

I feel empty inside. I don't know if I should cry or laugh of all this. It's so far away. I've been crying for 3 days and I'm tired of crying. I don't know what to feel. Okey, it's going to be nice to see everyone again, family and friends, it's going to be very good to take a nice shower where the water comes from above and on top of that is hot, put on clean clothes, it's going to be good to not have to tuck in the mosquito net everyday and not to live with coacroaches and lizards, and it's going to be great not to eat rice and beans everyday. But then again why does all this matter when I was having such a great time, when I had people that cared about me around me, when I was so happy? Absolutely nothing!

I want to go back home to Tanzania!

just a little bit...

"just a little bit stronger,
just a little bit wiser,
just a little less needy
and maby I'll get there.

Just a litte bit pretty,
just a little more aware,
just a little bit skinny
and maby I'll get there...."

Maria Mena

My tanzanian brother Hatibu

beach paradise

Okey, where to start.

I am NOT A FUCKING TOURIST ATTRACTION!!!!!

I am sick of being looked at where ever I go! I am sick of people talking about me as a Mzungu (white person in Swahili) and especially when they don’t think I understand. When people are sitting around me talking in Swahili and I hear mzungu, see them looking over at me and laughing, I know they talk about me. And they sometimes seriously think I don’t understand. Okey, I don’t understand everything, but that word I know. And at the moment I HATE it!!!!!!!

I hate when people treat me like a queen or something because I am white. I hate when I am offered something better than the people around me because I am white. I hate when people here don’t think I can handle anything because I am white. I hate the way the teachers here threat their students. I hate when my host mother tries to force me to eat, I didn’t come to Tanzania to get fat. I hate when people talk to me in Swahili when they know I don’t understand, and especially when I say I don’t understand and they still keep on talking in Swahili. I hate it when everyone looks at me wherever I go because I am white. I hate when small children comes up to me and asks for money because I am white. I hate the fact that people look at me as a money bag just because I’m white. I’m not rich. Actually, at the moment I’m quite poor. I’ve used all my savings to come here to work for free. Why don’t people understand that?

I used all my savings to come and live in a small mountain village where the toilet is a hole in the floor, where the shower is above that hole, where there is only cold water, where I have to brush my teeth above that hole in the ground, where we only have electricity two whole days a week, where there is absolutely nothing to do at all in the week ends and the afternoons…I could continue this list for a long time still. But I am going to stop.

I actually like it here, and I am happy. I am just whining a bit. I need it from time to time. I am so frustrated right now, nothing is going the way I want them to.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I need to scream out really loud, to hit something, to get out some frustration, to cry and I need a big hug. Then, maybe I’ll be better tomorrow and see thing from a brighter side…