Okey, where to start.

I am NOT A FUCKING TOURIST ATTRACTION!!!!!

I am sick of being looked at where ever I go! I am sick of people talking about me as a Mzungu (white person in Swahili) and especially when they don’t think I understand. When people are sitting around me talking in Swahili and I hear mzungu, see them looking over at me and laughing, I know they talk about me. And they sometimes seriously think I don’t understand. Okey, I don’t understand everything, but that word I know. And at the moment I HATE it!!!!!!!

I hate when people treat me like a queen or something because I am white. I hate when I am offered something better than the people around me because I am white. I hate when people here don’t think I can handle anything because I am white. I hate the way the teachers here threat their students. I hate when my host mother tries to force me to eat, I didn’t come to Tanzania to get fat. I hate when people talk to me in Swahili when they know I don’t understand, and especially when I say I don’t understand and they still keep on talking in Swahili. I hate it when everyone looks at me wherever I go because I am white. I hate when small children comes up to me and asks for money because I am white. I hate the fact that people look at me as a money bag just because I’m white. I’m not rich. Actually, at the moment I’m quite poor. I’ve used all my savings to come here to work for free. Why don’t people understand that?

I used all my savings to come and live in a small mountain village where the toilet is a hole in the floor, where the shower is above that hole, where there is only cold water, where I have to brush my teeth above that hole in the ground, where we only have electricity two whole days a week, where there is absolutely nothing to do at all in the week ends and the afternoons…I could continue this list for a long time still. But I am going to stop.

I actually like it here, and I am happy. I am just whining a bit. I need it from time to time. I am so frustrated right now, nothing is going the way I want them to.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I need to scream out really loud, to hit something, to get out some frustration, to cry and I need a big hug. Then, maybe I’ll be better tomorrow and see thing from a brighter side…