What am I going to do with my life????

Hello again!

From the 1. of May till the 17. of May here in Norway students celebrate that they are done with high school and that they are moving on with their life. And in this period of time the graduating class is called "russ"! (don't know where that name came from, but that's what we're called). During this period we dress up in a red pants (or black or blue, that depends what kind of "russ" you are, me I am a Red "russ", the best one of course=)), a white long jacket that you draw whatever you would like on, and a red (or black or blue) hat with a long thingy hanging down from it. I'll post a picture as soon as I get one so you can see how weird we are!!!! Anyway, during these 17 days in the beginning of May, we party, drink, have fun, don't do anything school work, but we do the craziest things to get funny items in the long thingy that hangs down from our hat! It's almost like a competition to get the most items and knots in it. Having a lot of them kinda gives you a higher status than a person that don't have a lot in her/his thingy hanging down from the hat. (I promise I'll get a pic so you can understand what the hell I'm talking about cus this must sound really weird...) If you have many knots that shows that you have had a lot of fun during your time as "russ" and done a lot of crazy stuff! And the whole point with this period in our life when we're "russ" is to have a lot of fun and do a lot of crazy things to celebrate that we are done with high school! No more, finito, finished, the end, la fin of our obligatory education!

Today I got the clothes that I am going to wear during my time as "russ". That means that I'm soon done with high school!!! What am I going to do with my life afterwards??? I feel so lost!! This entire year I've been looking forward to the day that I'm going to walk out the school door and never have to go back, but now, suddenly, it makes me scared. High school is safe and secure, you have somewhere to go, something to do that is the same for everyone. But what about that day in June 2006 when I no longer have to go there, what will I do then?? ahhhhhhh, I need someone to help me!

Until today, as I've said before, I was looking forward to that day in June, to the day when I am going to be free from all sorts of obligations concerning my education. I am going to uni later, but haven't decided when, where or what to study yet so I need help with that too!!! But after this so called unforgettable time at high school I wanted to something useful and untraditional with my life before going back to the oh-so-boring-school-bench...But what??? And then, if I ever do decide what to do later on, will I get good enough grades to do it? Will I have enough money to go study where ever I want to?? Will I be accepted to the place I've chosen?? And the list of questions go on and on...And even before I get to the point where I can worry about those things, I need to worry about what to do!!!!!! There are waaaaay too many things to choose between, I can't seem to make up my mind about it. I've always said that possibilities and several options to choose between are good, but now, as I'm trying so hard to figure out what to do with my life, I wished that there were less things to choose between...Why does things have to be so difficult?? But again, I know my problem is a luxury problem if you can say it that way. Not everyone has the possibility to worry about these things so I guess I should be happy that I can worry about them.

Well, anyway, my whole point with this post is to tell you that I'm scared what my life is going to be like in the future, that I'm scared that I'll end up somewhere in a tiny apartment, with only a lousy washing job to support my self and without a meaningful life... But hey, time will tell! Isn't that what people say??